man250510

You're Not Obligated To Hug Anyone

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is a polite way to refuse a hug with friends or strangers? What to do when my proffered handshake is batted away and a hug pursued instead?

Some men, especially, seem to want to hug me because of my large chest, and it seems more like sexual assault than a friendly gesture. And there are certain women (whom I do not consider friends) who have behaved badly to me in the past, and I do not want them to touch me.

Is the advice the same in either case? And what about when they chase me?

GENTLE READER: Run.

No friendly gesture should come at the cost of personal safety. If your proffered hand is batted away, step back quickly and do a little bow (to get some distance between you), and then mutter by way of explanation, "Something is going around and I don't want you to catch it."

Miss Manners will leave it to your discretion to tell these people that that "something" is their salacious behavior.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a preteen, I was told by someone that it was rude to eat one food on my plate at a time -- that I was supposed to move around my plate, eating bites of each item in succession.

I like enjoying all of one food before moving on. The only thing I can liken it to is watching a TV show, and someone changes the channel in the middle of it. I want to finish the show I'm watching before moving on to the next.

The day I was told this, I made a silent vow to myself that I would always eat one food at a time, the way I prefer. But I'm wondering if you have ever heard of the rule this person was trying to impose on me.

I would think it's rude to surveil other people's eating, but then, this person was still trying to do this when I was in my 60s. I am no longer in this person's life, but the question has nagged at me for decades. Who was right?

GENTLE READER: You.

Even Miss Manners does not have opinions on the order in which you eat your dinner -- and certainly would never monitor it.

As long as you are not trying to consume the bread bowl before the soup or making similarly chaotic choices, she supports your decisions -- both on how you choose to eat and for distancing yourself from this nagging person.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We were out to dinner with another couple, and my wife became horrified when I took the final sip of my cocktail, along with an ice cube, and then proceeded to return the ice cube to the glass.

The final sip is the best sip! Is this so horrible?

GENTLE READER: Yes.

By all means, take that final sip. But Miss Manners will have to insist that you find a way to do so without the ice coming back up naked.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

(EDITORS: For editorial questions, please contact Kendra Phipps at kendra.phipps@andrewsmcmeel.com.)

DISTRIBUTED BY ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION